Slipping through my fingers
by Animorph128
Summary: One morning Naomi thinks about how different Rachel has become. Song-fic to "Slipping through my fingers" by ABBA  Dedicated to Katrin


**Note: This is the first time I try to write a story. In addition, English is not my native language so there might be grammar or spelling mistakes.**

**Lyrics by ABBA: „Slipping through my fingers"**

**I don't own Rachel, Naomi, Dan, Jordan or any Animorph-related characters.**

**Slipping through my fingers**

_Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning  
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile _

Naomi stood at the window and watched her eldest daughter leaving for school. Before walking around the corner, Rachel turned around one more time to wave her goodbye.

_I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness  
And I have to sit down for a while _

It was strange how much Rachel had changed over the past two years. She had become so serious and there was a darkness in her eyes that never had been there before.

_The feeling that I'm losing her forever _

She wouldn't tell her what was wrong. Naomi had already talked to Dan and Jordan about Rachel, hoping that she might have told them something about her problems. But they didn't know anything more than Naomi herself knew.

_And without really entering her world  
I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter  
That funny little girl_

Yes, Rachel had once been funny, but recently... She almost never laughed and when she did her laugh was often hard and grim. What had happened to Rachel's carefree laugh?

_Slipping through my fingers all the time  
I try to capture every minute _

Sometimes Naomi tried to pretend that nothing was wrong. She just tried to talk to Rachel about normal stuff like the school, but when she saw Rachel's eyes she knew, that it was just that – pretending.

_The feeling in it  
Slipping through my fingers all the time _

It seemed like she was never able to hold Rachel for a long time. She was always out with her friends. One or two times Naomi had even noticed that Rachel seemed to sneak out at night.

_Do I really see what's in her mind  
Each time I think I'm close to knowing  
She keeps on growing  
Slipping through my fingers all the time_

What was Rachel thinking? Why didn't she tell anyone? Sometimes Naomi felt like she was about to guess – maybe trouble with a boy? A teacher she didn't like? But then she saw something in Rachel's behavior that didn't fit at all – something that told her that she had guessed wrong.

_Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table  
Barely awake, I let precious time go by _

This morning had once again showed her how much of a stranger Rachel had become. When she came to eat breakfast with her mom and her sisters she had looked so tired. No „tired" wasn't the right word. Exhausted was the better word. And somehow she seemed shaken, maybe even scared. Of course Rachel tried to hide this, but Naomi could have sworn that Rachel had sneaked out this night again.

_Then when she's gone there's that odd melancholy feeling  
And a sense of guilt I can't deny _

Naomi often felt guilty now. She should have noticed that Rachel had problems in the very beginning. She should have found a way to help her. She should know what was going on. Once she had considered talking to Mr. Chapman about this. But when she had suggested it to Rachel she had looked scared again and Naomi knew that this wasn't the right way.

_What happened to the wonderful adventures  
The places I had planned for us to go  
Well, some of that we did but most we didn't  
And why I just don't know_

She had planned a trip to a new amusement park in another town for the last weekend. But when she told Rachel, she just said she had to learn for a test with Cassie and couldn't go. It was always like this: Rachel went away, telling everyone she wanted to help Cassie in the barn or learn with her, or maybe that she had to do a school project with Jake or Marco. But at the same time her grades just got worse...

_Slipping through my fingers all the time  
I try to capture every minute  
The feeling in it  
Slipping through my fingers all the time _

Naomi was losing her daughter, no matter what she tried to help her. But what could she possibly do, if Rachel never told her anything?

_Do I really see what's in her mind  
Each time I think I'm close to knowing  
She keeps on growing  
Slipping through my fingers all the time_

By now it was impossible for her to guess what had happened. She was almost certain she knew the exact day whan this begun: One friday Rachel had returned from the mall, looking terrified, her clothes dirty. From that day on things only got worse...

_Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture  
And save it from the funny tricks of time  
Slipping through my fingers..._

_Slipping through my fingers all the time_

A week ago, Rachel had looked almost happy. She had come home from a hiking trip with her father in the town he lived now. But even when she was happy the darkness never left her eyes.

_Schoolbag in hand she leaves home in the early morning  
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile.._.

Naomi looked one last time at the corner where her daughter had disappeared. Maybe she should talk to Dan once more. Maybe Rachel mentioned something that weekend. But even while she tried to hold on to that hope and prepared for work, she knew deep inside, that Rachel hadn't said anything.


End file.
